Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a contemporary approach to couples therapy that places experiential experiencing and sharing emotions and their underlying significance at the core of the therapeutic process. Developed primarily by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s, EFT has gained recognition as a highly effective method for addressing relationship issues, fostering emotional healing, and promoting secure attachments between partners.
In the therapy sessions, couples learn to respond to their partners in ways that are emotionally attuned rather than in ways that escalate conflicts and drive disconnection. Doing so lets couples experience the good feelings that come from meeting the emotional needs and desires of their partners.
EFT has a structure and flow to it and couples can expect to move through the following stages as their therapy progresses:
1. Assessment: In the initial stages of EFT, the therapist works to gain an understanding of the client’s emotional history, attachment patterns, and the dynamics of their relationships. This assessment helps the therapist tailor the therapy process to the specific needs of the client. When I meet with couples, I conduct the first session with both partners present and then meet with each partner individually before bringing the couple together again to discuss treatment plans.
2. De-escalation of Conflicts: EFT focuses on breaking negative interaction cycles by helping clients recognize their underlying emotions and needs. This involves slowing down conflicts and creating a safe environment where partners can express themselves without fear of judgment or rejection.
3. Promoting Emotional Expression: Clients work hard to recognize more fully what is going on under the surface when conflicts occur. As they do this, they can practice expressing themselves in a more open, honest, and vulnerable way. This can often feel intimidating so having the therapist present to help with this builds confidence and creates an environment where clients feel heard and understood.
4. Restructuring Interactions and Building Secure Bonds: Through guided conversations, EFT therapists help clients reframe their interactions. This involves challenging old patterns and fostering new, healthier ways of communicating and responding to one another. As clients learn to express and respond to each other’s emotions more effectively, they start to rebuild trust and create a more secure attachment. This process cultivates deeper intimacy and emotional connection.
I spent time early on in my career working with children who had been adopted out of the foster care system. To effectively work with these children and their families, I had a lot to learn about attachment and how to develop secure attachment between a parent and child who had often experienced extreme levels of trauma. It was this work that drew me to EFT as my treatment of choice for my own couples work which eventually inspired me to get trained to use it with others. Many of the skills learned in EFT also translate nicely to other important relationships. Watching partners learn to respond to each other with honesty, vulnerability, and connectedness while building a secure attachment with each other never gets old.
Sarah Hunter, LCSW 